Here we go again

I just finished watching SATC Season 3 and half of Season 5. Suddenly, there you are again, struck me for the 10th million times..


What is it about you that keeps me holding back to totally erase you in my life? 


Alright then.. Here we go again....
After few months of no communication, partying and doing all the things we cannot do while were together.. Holding each others neck saying non- sense things about ourselves.. "Don't do this, don't do that...." and finally, we talked.. real talk.. like what I really wanted for us... (sa wakas! Thank God!)


But now it's all different.. I know it will never be the same as before.. We're just here for each others company.. but not really longing for each others arms...


But hey, where am I? I'm here again, stuck in your big love trap and I can't get out of it.. Damn it! What is it about you? Shoot me, seriously.. I hate this feeling..


I told myself million times, I had enough.. we had enough and it's so over.. that we should think of another word for it.. Damn Mr. Partyboy you gotta be kiddin' me.. I fell inlove in 2nd time? 3rd time? 4th... 5th..... time around?? I can't barely remember how many times you broke my heart and me being stupid about you.


But I just like the fact that you are there, I am here.. When I call you I get to talk to you anything I want.. I can tell you stuff that I never said before, cause I'm afraid that it might just lead in to a small to big fight.


Atleast I get a hold of you that makes me feel so happy as I hear your voice over my old school telephone. I know I need to stop this, cause you might broke my heart again. But I'd rather take this chance knowing that this might not happen again, that all of these were just a dream and when I woke up in the morning.. you wouldn't even recognize my name.. than keep running away and finding my way to escape the hole that caused a big mess in our lives.


Do I just love to be hurt? Of course no woman loves to be hurt.. Hell no..
I know my life can be miserable If i build it with you. I can't do what I want, I can't hang out with my friends house, I can't go shop alone, I can't go to any church where I want to go to, I can't buy any dress, shoes I want without you critizing my finances, I can't have my own musical band that I ever dream about, I can't wear dress, skirts, tops that I used to wear, I can't go party with my friends, I can't have a beer wit my friends, I can't even color my hair, get my face done, even to relax myself in to Spa's without hearing you say bad things about how I handle my finances..


Hey it's me working and spending my own money. It's not like I am spending your money with my own luxury... Hell no.. All your flaws, all your bad words, all your bad boyfriend treatment thing.. made me love you more..


But I keep asking myself over and over again.. "Can I live with all these?"

One thing that I know for sure.. is that iloveyou.. no matter how fucked up your life is.. just like mine... It's still the same me, the goofy ass who always cries about you..


and that I need to sacrfice for the rest of my life if I choose to live with you.....




"You cannot change other people, just for you to be happy.. You gotta accept his flaws and lower down your expectations.. and everything would be perfect like the way it is."